How to Tell Your Parents You Want to Start Therapy
Under 18 and want to try therapy? Here’s how to broach the subject with your guardian and some things to expect.
It can be difficult to ask your parents if you can go to therapy. Before you ask your parents, there are a few things you should prepare yourself for regarding their reactions.
A very common reaction from the parent of a child who wants to go to therapy is self-blame. Because mental health is so stigmatized, most parents in this day-and-age feel like they’re responsible for their child’s mental health. Instead of validating your concerns, they will often try to tell you things aren’t that bad, or you’re making it up for attention. These comments are extremely damaging for someone seeking help with their mental health, but it’s important to remember they aren’t made in malice.
If you prepare yourself for the negative reactions your parents may have regarding you attending therapy, you can react with logic and reason instead of emotion. This will result in a higher percentage of positive outcomes.
Another common reaction from parents whose child asks to go to therapy is giving you a list of reasons why you should be happy. As if listing the good things in your life negates all the badness you’re feeling. They’ll probably tell you that you have a roof over your head, food to eat, loving parent(s)/guardian(s).
So, how do you ask your parents for therapy when they refuse to admit you may actually need it?
One way is telling your pediatrician about your concerns. There is a portion of every child’s checkup where the doctor asks the parent or guardian to leave the room briefly. This is where you can privately address your issues with your doctor.
This one can be dicey, because not a lot of pediatricians are properly informed on mental health. However, it is the easiest way if you’re uncomfortable approaching your parents directly.
Another way is sitting your parents down and telling them you really need to talk to them. If you don’t want to terrify your parents, you can say, “Hey, can I talk with you? I’ve been reading about counseling and I think I could really benefit from it.” Then proceed to elaborate on whatever issues you have.
Depending on your home-life, it might be wiser to provide as few details as possible to your parents. Therapy is confidential, so feel no obligation to tell your parents everything about your mental health. Your parents are not professionals and will most likely deal with the information you give them incorrectly and create more problems.
For example, if you think you’re more anxious than the average kid and it’s impeding your life, tell them just that. You don’t need to go into detail about how you can barely leave the house without throwing up. However, if these details are pertinent in getting your parents to allow you to go to therapy, then sharing them may be more productive. Otherwise, it’s best to just keep it short and save the major stuff for your therapist.
It’s important to be honest with your parents and remain calm during this conversation. They may feel blindsided or confused. They may get angry with you, but know this is all out of love for you. They wouldn’t react at all if they didn’t care about you.
What if my parents say “no”?
Unfortunately, this is also very common. When you’re under the age of 18, it can be difficult to control what type of medical treatment you receive. There are numerous hotlines anyone can call for any of their problems. Googling mental health hotlines where you live will give you the chance to review which one you feel could benefit you most. It’s important to know if you’re in a state of emergency, you should instead call 911.
You can also reach out to any adult you trust. Your teacher, your school counselor, your friend’s parent, etc. If your parents refuse to listen to you, there are people you can go to and be heard.
Neither of these options is a substitution for actual therapy, but they’re a way to get the ball rolling some more if your parents say “no”.
Conclusion
It’s hard to talk to your parents about this stuff. It can be really scary. Just remember that admitting you need help is the hardest part. I know that sounds cliche, but it’s true. You can do it. Therapy is wonderful and more accessible now than ever. It won’t be easy, but it will be worth it.
